When I was suddenly widowed, some friends and family listened and provided loving support. This was invaluable. Others provided advice - lots of it - some good, some bad, some really bad. After a year and a half, I would say the best pieces of advice I got were these.

THE BEST ADVICE I GOT

• Everyone grieves in their own way, in their own time. Do what works for you.
• Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time. There is no rush. Take things one day at a time. Don't expect too much too soon.
  • Early on, trying to think longer term was overwhelming.
  • I'm glad I did not rush to get rid of Doug's things. I was in no shape to do it, and I think I would have given away or thrown out some things that I'm glad to have now.
• Don't make any big decisions (move, quit your job, marriage, jump off a cliff, etc.) in the first year.
  • For example, while I am thinking of moving now, it would have been a mistake for me to move too soon. I wasn't ready, it would have been stressful, and I would have disconnected from the invaluable support of my neighborhood.
• You need help (e.g., go to a Bereavement Support Group, counselor, or books, hire a handyman.)
• Exercise and eat healthy food.
  • Exercise helped me tremendously, by providing endorphins and a positive outlet. Eating right and exercising also provided energy.
• Sign up / do the paperwork right away for benefits (pensions, health insurance, life insurance, etc.)
• Write (e.g., in a journal)

I'm sure these were said with good intentions, but it would not have worked for me. Yes, people really said these things.

THE WORST ADVICE I GOT

• Take tranquilizers.
• Drink heavily.
• Eat more. (To someone who has always had trouble managing their weight.)
• Date right away..
• Don't date at all.
• Sell the house right away.
• Move on.
• It's okay to kill yourself.
  
• Don't be sad. Only think happy thoughts

(01/12/2012)

MORE

• Grieving - various articles
• What I need. How to help a grieving person - suggested do's and don'ts. (07/16/2010)
• Words of advice for the to be bereaved - things to do and think about BEFORE a loss (09/08/2010)
• Journaling the journey
• Do I stay or do I go now?
• Cushioning the blow
• How I survived the first year
• Dating after death and divorce
• Thoughts of suicide
• Healing rituals
• Things I was mistaken about (12/27/2011)
• "You need to keep busy" (07/24/2010)
• Please don't try to force me to eat what I don't need or want (06/28/2010)