CRAGMAN - HOME

Try watching the smaller quality version if the one above doesn't play smoothly through:

GOOD (standard quality, small file size)

This video is quintessential Doug, although it shows a side of him not everyone was lucky enough to see. Notice he is wearing his celebratory Giants Championship sweatshirt I got for him after the 2007 playoffs. Tenzing the Cat spectates in the background. I think this "performance" was associated with my bummage after losing a whole clutch of bluebird eggs (just about to hatch) to a House Wren attack. He was trying to cheer me up. Maybe it will bring you cheer. Crank up the volume.
- Bet Z.

ABOUT THIS SITE

This website is a tribute to my husband, Doug. It is also about dealing with loss.

For 27 years, Doug was my colleague, friend, true love and finally husband. While running, his heart of gold stopped suddenly, possibly due to a malignant arrhythmia. He was 52 years old. I set up this site in an effort to share Dougness with others who miss him like I do, or were not lucky enough to know him.

Writing here has also helped me process the turning upside down of my world. Perhaps what I have experienced and learned the hard way will help others dealing with a significant loss. Be forewarned that the grieving parts are pretty raw.

BLOG: Posts, and chronological listing of pages for those intrepid souls coming back for more, or who wish to see things in sequence.

26 reasons why I loved him
June - July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010 - February 2011
March - June 2011
July 2011 - October 2011
November 2011 - June 2012
July 2012 - present

I NEVER THOUGHT
~ Author unknown

I never thought I could go on living when you died, but - I did.
I never thought I would survive after burying you, but - I did.
I never thought I'd get through those first days, weeks and months, but - I did.
I never thought I would be able to endure the first anniversary of your death, but - I did.
I never thought I would let myself love my new grandchild, but - I did.
I never thought tomorrow would be different, but - it was.
I never thought I would stop crying for you, but - I have.
I never thought that I would ever sing again, but - have.
I never thought the pain would "soften," but - it has.
I never thought I would care if the sun shone again, but - I do.
I never thought I would be able to entertain again, but - I have.
I never thought I would be able to control my grief, but - I can.
I never thought I could function without medication again, but - I can.
I never thought I'd smile again, but - I do.
I never thought I would laugh out loud again, but - I do.
I never thought I would look forward to tomorrow, but - I do.
I never thought I'd reconcile your death, but - I have.
I never thought I would be able to create that "new normal," but - I have.
I never thought I'd want to go on living after you died, but - I do.
Always missing you,
always loving you,
and thinking of you daily,
with a smile on my face
and tears in my heart.

ORGAN and TISSUE DONATION

Doug was a tissue donor. Perhaps those who wish to honor him, and are comfortable doing so, will sign up to be organ and tissue donors. See:

April is Donate Life Month, Rxtra, Hartford Hospital, 04/4/2011
Doug Zimmerman's Gift of Life, Villager Newspapers, 07/23/2010 (PDF file)
The Ultimate in Recycling - Organ Donation from December 2009 Our Better Nature

GRIEVING - see complete listing | Site Map

Blog | Progress, month by month
Links
Books
Stages of Grief
What to expect when you are bereaved (10/10/2010)
Planning the services (wake/calling hours/funeral/memorial service) (10/14/2011)
Quotes and Poems that have touched me
- I never thought (poem)
What I need. How to help a grieving person - suggested do's and don'ts. (07/16/2010)
Words of advice for the to be bereaved - things to do and think about BEFORE a loss (09/08/2010)
Healing Rituals (07/17/2010)
- Five candles - a holiday memorial and healing ritual (11/25/2010)
The dragonfly story, by Doris Stickney (added 06/20/2010)
My Fears and Worries (06/27/2010)
Family and Friends cushioning the blow (06/30/2010)
Changed financial circumstances (07/15/2010)
Suicide and suicidal thoughts in the midst of grief (07/16/2010)
Grief & Safety (07/20/2010)
Interrupting rumination - alternative coping strategies (07/21/2010)
Regrets and wishes (07/04/2010)
The things I DON'T regret (07/22/2010)
"You need to keep busy" (07/24/2010)
Butterflies as a symbol of hope and new life (07/26/2010)
Do the departed watch over us? Signs. Legacies. (07/28/2010)
Living with Guilt and Thoughtworms (07/31/2010)
Sudden death - what it is like for those left behind (08/11/2010)
Gift basket ideas (sympathy, condolence, grieving) (08/12/2010)
Things that trigger tears (08/17/2010)
Walking Alone (09/04/2010)
Is it better to have loved and lost, or never to have loved at all? (09/05/2010)
Redefining Loneliness (09/17/2010)
Why it is likely that a lifetime of loneliness awaits me. The odds are against being so lucky in love again. (09/26/2010)
Bereavement Support Groups - pros, cons, bottom line (10/04/2010)
Planting parsley (10/06/2010)
Sleepless nights (10/17/2010)
The Nest of the Loneliness Birds
Change in Martial Status (10/22/2010)
The Nest of the Loneliness Birds
Changes - Physical, Social, Mental and Emotional (11/05/2010)
Attending a gathering for donor families (05/17/2011)
Dealing with the ashes (05/18/2011)
What I am grateful for (06/08/2011)
Surviving the first year (06/18/2011)
I met someone (07/11/2011)
Delving into dating after death or divorce (10/05/2011)
Planning services (funeral, calling hours, memorial service) (10/14/2011)
What do I do with the wedding rings? (10/25/2011)
Do I stay or do I go now? What to do about the house (11/15/2011)
Guilty of surviving and loving again (12/03/2011)
Denial (12/13/2011)
Loss and pain in the heart and brain (12/15/2011)
Things I was mistaken about (12/27/2011)
The Raisin Widows (01/03/2012)
The best (and worst) advice I received (01/12/2012)
Dreams of the dead (02/02/2012)
What to do with all their "stuff" (02/29/2012)
I have a photograph (03/11/2012)
Death is on the top ten stress list
Selling the family home - why is it so hard (07/01/2012)
Searching for answers to sudden death (07/04/2012)
Dealing with a death that was preventable (07/28/2012)
Going back to work after a loss (07/30/2012)
A good death is denied to most (09/19/2012)
Why they want you to get over it (10/01/2012)
Thank you notes (10/14/2012)
How to get your happy back (10/15/2012)
Anger (12/24/2012)

VIDEOS

Singing in the Rain. Filmed by Bet while camping in the Gaspe Peninsula. Edited and posted by friend Joe Chapuis of Web Video Zone
Impromptu Geology Lecture | More about this one.
The Sun Will Come Up Tomorrow
The Shootist. Doug and caulking guns (after working on some bluebird houses.) This performance was for my gun enthusiast brother John and his sons.
Firewater - Doug at "Indian Chair" with a tasty beverage.
Cat conkage. Doug plays with the cat and conks him on the noggin.
Welcome to the Mouse House. Doug lets out a girlie man scream at the end.
Doug and the snow
Z slide show on YouTube, compiled by sister-in-law Tina Gallagher
Memorial Service
- Grow Old (Along) with Me, Emily John and Elinor Donahue (added 06/24/2010)
- Ashokan Farewell, Jeff Davis (added 06/24/2010)

PHOTOS

Doug and his buddy Tenzing the (Ugly) Cat - Doug wrote most of the captions
Hand in clouds
More coming soon - there are so many

ARTICLES

April is Donate Life Month, Rxtra, Hartford Hospital, 04/4/2011
Climbers Go Where No One Has Gone Before, Hartford Courant, 08/01/1998
My Hero (Our Better Nature newspaper column)
Doug & Bluebirding (added 06/23/2010)
The Ultimate in Recycling - Organ Donation (including Robert Test's poem "To Remember Me" (Our Better Nature)
Possum Home Invasion (Our Better Nature)

Obituary, Eulogies & Condolences

Obituary
American Alpine Journal tribute by Bob Plucenik
Gilman & Valade - Offer condolences or share memories of Doug
Hartford Courant - Offer condolences or share memories of Doug
Condolences combined on one page

Eulogies at the Memorial Service on June 12, 2010
Sharing Remembrances (Quaker Style)

SHARING & STORIES

Some of the things I miss about Doug and our life together (07/08/2010)
Sainthood - Not (07/11/2010)
The End - what happened in those last days
Quotes and Poems
Stories
Lisa: canoes and clouds
Channeling Doug - What would Doug do? (06/25/2010)
The Gift (07/01/2010)
Sayings (Dougisms) (07/06/2010)
Rope Man (07/11/2010)
Our annual Christmas letters and collages (07/21/2010)

GIVING A TRIBUTE TO DOUG

American Alpine Club - 710 10th St Suite 100, Golden, CO 80401
- Giving
Founders of Environmental Earth Science Fund (Eastern CT State University) - c/o ECSU Foundation, 83 Windham St., Willimantic CT 06226
- Read more about the EES Fund.
- Doug's experience at Eastern
Woodstock Historical Society - PO Box 65, Woodstock CT 06281. Funds were used to create and maintain the Z Rock & Rain Garden.
The North American Bluebird Society

Organ Donation. Please consider signing up as an organ or tissue donor - More.
Gifts of Many Colors

THANK YOU

Special thanks to the non-profits, organizations and businesses who provided invaluable support to us:
- Aetna Ambulance Service, Inc., of Hartford CT and the heroes who attempted to revive him. Read more.
- Hartford Hospital Emergency Room Staff and Social Services of Hartford CT.
  - Donation
  - Special thanks to Dr. Michael Drescher, Associate Chief, Division of Emergency Medicine for information, kindness and patience, and to
  - Kelly Pabilionia of Social Services
- Doug’s last act was giving the gift of sight and healing through tissue donation.
  - LifeChoice Donor Services
    - Special thanks to Sheila Murphy, Tissue Coordinator, LifeChoice
    - Doug Zimmerman's Gift of Life, article in the Villager Newspapers
    - The Ultimate in Recycling - organ donation article from Our Better Nature
- Gilman & Valade Funeral and Cremation Service in Putnam CT. They helped us through one of the most difficult times in our life.
- Road ID: The metal ID on Doug's running shoes made it possible for the Emergency Room staff to contact me and Doug's parents immediately. Read more.
- The Hill Church of Woodstock CT for hosting Doug's memorial service, especially Pastor Jamie Harrison and "the church ladies."
- Cuisine Duva of Columbia, CT- Paul and Diane Duva for catering at the service and being wonderful friends
- WebVideoZone for hosting the videos I am so grateful to have.

SUDDEN DEATH, HYPERTENSION & BENICAR

Doug's untimely death appeared to be the result of a malignant arrhythmia. It was not a heart attack or stroke. He did have hypertension and elevated cholesterol, and was on Benicar HCT and Crestor. Several months before he died, he experienced a fainting incident (syncope) while running. The doctor assumed it was the result of dehydration and stopping suddenly while running. It was probably cardiac in etiology. An autopsy revealed he had an enlarged heart and a "widowmaker."
Three days after he died, the FDA issued a Drug Safety Communication: Ongoing safety review of Benicar and cardiovascular events. If you are taking Benicar, I urge you to read this notice and discuss alternatives with your physician. Read more.