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This website is also about dealing with loss.

For 27 years, Doug was my colleague, friend, true love and finally husband. While running, his heart of gold stopped suddenly, possibly due to a malignant arrhythmia. He was 52 years old. I set up this site in an effort to share Dougness with others who miss him like I do, or were not lucky enough to know him.

Writing here has also helped me process the turning upside down of my world. Perhaps what I have experienced and learned the hard way will help others dealing with a significant loss. Be forewarned that the early grieving parts are pretty raw, as they were written in the midst of devastation.

My life has changed a great deal since I started this blog. I could not have imagined the direction it would take. Fortunately, I was wrong about a lot of things.

~ Author unknown

I never thought I could go on living when you died, but - I did.
I never thought I would survive after burying you, but - I did.
I never thought I'd get through those first days, weeks and months, but - I did.
I never thought I would be able to endure the first anniversary of your death, but - I did.
I never thought tomorrow would be different, but - it was.
I never thought I would stop crying for you, but - I have.
I never thought that I would ever sing again, but - I have.
I never thought the pain would "soften," but - it has.
I never thought I would care if the sun shone again, but - I do.
I never thought I would be able to entertain again, but - I have.
I never thought I would be able to control my grief, but - I can.
I never thought I'd smile again, but - I do.
I never thought I would laugh out loud again, but - I do.
I never thought I would look forward to tomorrow, but - I do.
I never thought I would be able to create that "new normal," but - I have.
I never thought I'd want to go on living after you died, but - I do.
Always missing you,
always loving you,
and thinking of you daily,
with a smile on my face
and tears in my heart.

I was not wrong about the need to give it time, to be patient, and to be kind to myself.

I wish you healing and peace.


NEWER POSTS and ESSAYS: Blog | Why they want you to "get over it/move on/let go" | Near Death Experiences | A good death is denied to most | How to get your happy back | Anger | Sponsoring prizes for the 2013 Memorial Day 10K Race in Woodstock CT | What do with insurance, state or lawsuit settlement proceeds resulting from death


BLOG: Posts, and chronological listing of pages for those intrepid souls coming back for more, or who wish to see things in sequence.


Doug was a tissue donor. Perhaps those who wish to honor him, and are comfortable doing so, will sign up to be organ and tissue donors. See:


GRIEVING - see complete listing | Site Map


Not working right now:

  • Singing in the Rain. Filmed by Bet while camping in the Gaspe Peninsula.
  • Impromptu Geology Lecture | More about this one.
  • The Sun Will Come Up Tomorrow
  • The Shootist. Doug and caulking guns (after working on some bluebird houses.) This performance was for my gun enthusiast brother John and his sons.
  • Firewater - Doug at "Indian Chair" with a tasty beverage.




Obituary, Eulogies & Condolences








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